I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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