dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
