Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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