I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
