I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
