tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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