Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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