Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
