My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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