how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
