I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
