Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
