Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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