we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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