Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
