he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
