when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
