If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
