I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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