I didn't shave. On purpose
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
