At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
