3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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