I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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