i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
