I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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