I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
