I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were trust falling into bushes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
