bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
