Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
