Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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