hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
