Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
