what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
