Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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