i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Who died my cat blue again?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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