At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
