The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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