Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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