Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
