dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
