I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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