I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
