i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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