We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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