put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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