hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
