So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
