Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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