It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
