i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
