bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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