i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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