Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
