im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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