I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
