You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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