I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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