the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
