The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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