I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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